check it.

yesterday i needed to stuff some food in my hole between work and rehearsal. when pressed, i will swing by wendy's, because it's close to the theater and i like hamburgers.

my order of choice is a single, no cheese. i like my burger with veggies on it. it tastes like something fresher that way. if it's just loaded to the gills with animal product, i kind of feel my reptilian brain exploding forth. like, my eyes glaze over and i can't think about anything else while i'm noming and gorging and feasting on the flesh/flesh/cheese/flesh. veggies keep me civilized.

so i go through the drive thru yesterday, and they're jacked up and backed up for miles. i know this wendy's. i used to live in this neighborhood. it's the worst-serviced wendy's of all time. not surprised. don't give it another think. the food's still the food. for the most part.

so i pay my $3, get my single, and drive off thinking, hmm. this burger feels...heavy. and really extra hot. what's happening in there?

what's happening in there is a double, all melty with cheeses and all crunchy with bacon.

and at first i'm like, i'm going to go complain.

and then i'm like, HELL NO, BACON AND CHEESE IN MY FACE FOR THE PRICE OF A SINGLE, NOM NOM, YO.

and normal amber went away. and prehistoric, feral amber filled her belly with many smacking sounds.

when i came to, i was at the theater, and smelling of meat. i had cheese on my chin. and my belly felt like it was full of death. it was hideous. i don't ever want to be that person again.*



*but i DO. i really, really DO.