Writer's Block: Little monsters

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there are plenty of zombie movies, and zombies are what scare me the most.

but second-most? shadow people.
http://www.shadowpeople.org/


while nobody i know has ever experienced a real walking undead, people experience shadow people all the time. much like ghosts, they can be explained as hallucinations or optical illusions or whathaveyou. but my argument is, sometimes you see them. in life. and that's the facts. and it scares the shit out of you.

however. there are also watchers (my own terminology). watchers are benevolent shadow people. they mean you no harm, and in fact, may be there to help.

i have had an experience or two with shadow people. the ones that you catch leaving. so fast, there probably wasn't anything there. it probably WAS a trick of my eyes and therefore not a true encounter of any sort.

but i have seen the watchers.

it was when i was in the oak grove. if there was ever a place ghosts or supernatural things would be drawn to, it's that place. it's old, has tons of dramatic history, and the people who lived there were interesting and accepting. things happened there often that i couldn't really explain, like walking through a column of scented air in my apartment, the dogs in the next apartment that would bark when my computer desk shook on its own, or the day 3 of my pictures fell throughout the day...the third one i actually watched tip slowly away from the wall first.

i am not dead set on the existence of ghosts. i just notice when things like this happen. i've seen it a lot, in different places i've lived. as far as i'm concerned, if ghosts do exist, they are much like cockroaches...a pest you live with until they get so overwhelming you have to call in professionals. and i've not had to call anyone yet.

anyhow. one night i woke up. (i know i was awake--i can tell the difference between dream and reality after the fact.) it wasn't a jolt; there wasn't any jumping or increase in heart speed. but the change from being completely asleep to sober and awake was instant and matter of fact. i was laying on my side facing the window in the dark, and i knew that there was a reason i was awake...that something was in my room. i could feel eyes on my back.

but what is odd about this, is that i didn't feel afraid or apprehensive. kind of like when a family member comes into the room and you didn't exactly see or hear it, but you know they're there. so i turned over. and there were the watchers.

there were about 5 or 6 of them, standing randomly around the room. blacker than black. living in the city, there is always a faint glow that comes through the windows, and if you've been in the dark a while, this glow throws enough light that you can see pretty well. but these figures were so dark, it was if they sucked in all the light from around them, or from the space they were occupying. and they were simply standing. and watching.

one of them was very close to my bed. not bending over me or anything, maybe a couple of feet away, as if it knew that too much proximity would scare me. and when i saw them, they didn't scatter like shadow people are supposed to do. they stood still, although i remember one back and to the right of the closest one shift a little, as if from one foot to another.

i didn't look long. maybe two full seconds, enough to blink once or twice. i remember giving a sigh, and turning back over, and saying, "not now, okay?" and going back to sleep--not as instantly as i'd woken up, but with one breath, and then two, and then sinking slowly back in.

the next morning i came out of sleep gradually and opened my eyes, staring at the ceiling. and i remembered exactly what i had seen. in the light of day, it gave me the shivers. but i never feared going to sleep. and i never saw them again.

although i have felt them watching a few times.

i don't know who they are, or what they want. but i wasn't afraid of them. i know for certain it wasn't a dream, but i have entertained the heavy possibility that it was a trick of my mind. and yet, i can't think what would have caused me to see something so plainly and know for certain that i wasn't in danger. the visit hadn't come at a time of stress or after a heavy meal, i'm not prone to hallucination or sleep deprivation. it wasn't a threatening thing, so i'm not in any hurry to prove it into fiction, but neither do i need to justify it as real. if they are, they mean no harm. the way that i was woken...sometimes i think about it and wonder if it wasn't purposeful. like they needed me to see them, or like they wanted me to know they were there. maybe i was being protected or studied. i don't know. but it's okay either way. i am fine with allowing it to be a mystery, something in between. a memory.



anyhow. this doesn't really answer the question. the monster movie would include shadow people. but they wouldn't be the ones doing the harm. in the beginning, when the main character first starts seeing them, they would seem threatening. but in the end, they would turn out to be helpful. kind of like the kids in the orphanage.

and the moral of the story? that you not be afraid. just because the nature and purpose of the unknown isn't clear doesn't make it malignant. and whether they are real or invented by your mind, they are there. sometimes there are forces beyond your understanding that don't give you answers.

you are not alone.