a visit

Jan. 7th, 2008 10:07 am
a while ago, i had a dream, and i keep thinking about it.

in the dream, i was walking with a guy...it felt like a boyfriend. the boy wasn't gabe, but it was just understood that this person i was with was someone i loved and wanted to be with and talk to and spend a lot of time with. it wasn't a long dream, but it was nice...we were walking on a bike lane somewhere in minneapolis and it was summer and sunny.

then we came to a break in the woods where you could see the stream and we both stood and looked at it, holding hands. and when i looked back at the boy, i understood something i hadn't before, and i could see his face clearly. i took my hand away, because i understood that this wasn't real and this boy wasn't my boyfriend. but i was still very happy.

he looked at me as if to say, "what's wrong? oh. you've figured it out."

and i said, "you're not really here...kyle, you're dead. why are you here?" because, you see, the boy was an old roommate of mine, a friend from college that had gone some years back in a car crash.

and he smiled and touched my face and said, "yeah. it's okay. everything's alright."

then he said something else...it was long and reassuring, but i can't remember.

and when i woke up, it was like he was still there and smiling.


i've been thinking about that dream for a while. and there really wasn't any reason for me to have it. i haven't thought of kyle in some time and the closest i could come to an explaination was maybe he was a symbol of friends i am missing.

but then i think that i was misinterpreting the "boyfriend feeling." maybe i just knew i was in a between-place where everything was safe and there was nothing left but love and it was simply a visit.

even days after the dream i felt like i was constantly being reassured. like he was hanging around just to keep my spirits up...or just for an extended stay.

and it doesn't even bother me that i can't remember what he said. it doesn't matter. it's like one of those very important things you hear and never need to hear again but that you keep with you forever like a compass point.

i do remember that he wanted me to say hi to those who knew him. that much i can do.

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January 2015

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