the lines of my earth.

ugh. I’ve decided the very very best and most absolute worst feeling in the world is the new-relationship roller coaster. i’m not even going to say anything past this: i thought i knew how to read people. i don’t. this causes confusion which in turn causes delirious highs and cataclysmic lows. and I will say this: i am worth having.

romeo and juliet is coming to a close, and i suppose that’s why my life is holding so much current drama. it’s almost a death of sorts, i can hardly see past it. i have my plans, but can’t really seem to think on them…it’s too difficult. when you’re doing a show, you get so wrapped up in the universe of that particular show, that particular cast, that particular theatre and all the politics therein.

and all of this excitement has really kicked up the hate-factor on my job. because of factors i won’t list here, i’m trapped for at least a few months. and it’s fast killing of the spirit.

so. things to look forward to and take my mind off all the craziness? being able to dye my hair again. finally having professional headshots. an audition for minnesota’s only shakespeare repertory. info on a good publishing company that i may be able to work from home. and, most importantly, having a life again and seeing friends i’ve had to neglect for months. this includes my nephews down home, my peeps in the northland, and even david and steph downstairs. good god. i’ve been gone. and time to breathe. and see movies. and be alone for more than a couple hours at a time. and write a couple decent and thought-provoking journals.

1 and ½ days to weekend. 5 shows left. 4 days until the curtain falls and the drama ends and life returns to normal which is both blessing and curse. and i’m scared for it all.

i really have nothing to say. i have three things running my life right now:

1) my job. i hate it. i need a better one. and even though they have informed me that they're going to make it better for me, i would be better off walking down the center line of I94 than believing them. i give them 6 months.

2) romeo and juliet. being onstage is now on auto pilot. we've done 17 performances and have 33 to go. i can't imagine getting bored of it because the performances themselves are easy. but the backstage experience is much more exciting. i've learned so much and met some of the most interesting and caring people in my life. who said the theatre's full of back-stabbing ladder climbers? i've seen more of that working office downtown than my short time at guthrie. politics my ass. it will leave a gaping hole in my life when the show closes. i may be inconsolable for a while.

3) a new love interest. somewhat declared but still in the works. as always in amber's life, a major source of giddiness, longing and distraction. pray for me.

i've heard that people in duluth miss me. why? what good am i to you? i swear by the moon that tips of silver all these fruit tree tops that i will come up when the snow is gone. when r&j closes mid-april i do have to spend a weekend at home to see my family...i haven't been to see them since i started rehearsal in january and i'm afraid my nephews won't even remember me. so that's first and foremost. and then i have a major audition on the 17th.

but then, then, we party. and if i don't get some good karoke time, i sue. i don't know who i sue, but damnit, i'll find someone and i'll sue by god. i need to rub michelle's belly and squeeze mandy's tats and slap foldesi a good one on her so so fine ass. the rest of you get the pleasure of basking in my presence...and believe me, that's good enough for the likes of you. in fact, it's downright generous.

11:00a.m. -- amber arives at the theatre (after a 5 minute walk from her apartment) and begins to "install scaffolding" as part of a construction-theme preshow. butch.

1:00 p.m -- amber is in costume and make up for the first time, all the while thanking god that light store-bought makeup is good enough for the guthrie. what's up at UMD with all the heavy crap and highlighting and shading and looking fake?

4:00 p.m -- break for dinner at chipotle with the other essential girls. amber hearts chipotle chicken tacos. amber also hearts billy boyd and joaquin phoenix, but that's another story.

6:00 p.m. -- back into costume and onstage where amber is given a prime spot in the "dressing juliet for the party" scene. score.

8:30 p.m. -- amber changes into her pretty pretty party dress and is deemed the "nicest dress" by the other girls. amber feels they are getting ready to dump pigs blood on her later.

11:00 p.m. -- freed from her corset, amber breathes again and heads home.

and she gets to do it all again tomorrow. amber does not complain, because 12 hours of acting beats 8 hours of office slavery.