throwing down the gauntlet

[duchess_of_pie]

well...last night i finally got a rejection letter from that interview. i knew it was coming, but i had expected it a week ago. i mean, the interview went really really well...but, according to the email, they interviewed over 60 people. over 60 people? for what amounts to be a glorified receptionist job? call it sour grapes, but that's too much anal for me. lucky for me on my escape. bah. it takes too long for USC to make decisions. as of today, i'm taking matters into my own hands.

gabe had an interview at CBS yesterday for an internship, so i got to drive him into the lot. boy, was that rock star. he was so excited, bless him. and i really hope he gets it. he went in a little less prepared than i thought he would, but it seemed alright. i can't believe how many things he has going on. he's already got a good internship, and then there's thesis meetings, his writers groups, his job at the writing office and the other at the library, his pilots, his spec scripts, his film project on jordan....i am starting to feel very very very worthless in comparison. i have moments of intense wonder how he could possibly love me. i get angry at myself for that.

reading about the iveys was a little rough this morning. i don't want to be taken the wrong way...i LOVE hearing about everything back home and it's exciting to hear about everyone's plans. all of my friends are so talented and putting their skills to good use, and when my friends are happy, i'm overfknjoyed! but i can't help being a little selfish and wishing... i don't know. not that i was there, so much, but that i had something--anything--to be as excited about. or involved in. i miss being around people. i miss being known by more than one person in a city. i miss having somewhere to go and something to do that i'm involved in and not just going there because my boyfriend is taking pity on me and getting me out of the house. i miss having a LIFE.

i know i can't be expected in two month's time to be successful and brilliant and have a local friend base in a new town--especially THIS town. even gabe felt out of place for the first year, and he was accepted to a school. but some days are an eternity of heaviness. and i realize that i need to start developing a new attitude or i will sink in self-pity here.

that's it. i'm going into apple one today. and ajilon tomorrow. i will get some work if it kills me and i will get some cashflow so i can start getting out of the house. i've hit rock bottom on the depression front--well, as bottom as i will allow myself to go. this is ridiculous. i know better than to let myself steep.

Comments

[carinbrat.livejournal.com]

*hug*
*pet*
*sings*

[duchess-of-pie.livejournal.com]

*sings too*

[pantsboyusa.livejournal.com]

awww. things will get better.

here's what you should do. go down to central casting (i think it's on flower in burbank) with $20 (that's what it was when i lived there) and sign up to be an extra. you get paid. you get fed. you can take a day off when you want to interview somewhere else. and you meet people. that's how i met all my friends in LA was through extra work. plus contacts contacts contacts! it's also how i got to know people who got me into production assistance work. it's a boring as hell job, but it's great in so many ways.

just get off your ass and do it. that is one decision in LA you won't regret. just be sure to check the hotlines several times a day for updates and new calls and whatnot. you can work everyday of the week if you try.

[dirtyknobs.livejournal.com]

[pantsboyusa.livejournal.com]

extra work is actually not that far off from what they show on that show. other than you have next to no contact with the principles.

[duchess-of-pie.livejournal.com]

yeah, but how much do you get paid? i have bills. right now i need salary.

[pantsboyusa.livejournal.com]

it paid minimum for 8 hours no matter if you work the 8 hours or not. it pays time and a half for the next 4 hours after 8, and double time for the 4 hours after that. (should you actually end up working 16 hours). i'm just saying do it as a stop gap measure. get some money now (they usually pay within a week). bring some employment rag and look through it during down time.

re: wardrobe.
do not worry about that. more often than not, they don't want people who dress like everybody else. you bring a couple of changes of clothes for wardrobe to look at, and if they don't like what you have they'll put you in something.

[kellygirlnyc.livejournal.com]

Mmm. That's a great idea. I have a friend of a friend who lives out there, and she is a children's book illustrator, but makes a bunch of money doing extra work all the time. She's done it so much that she's moved up to stand-in work, which pays even more, I'm told.

:)

[duchess-of-pie.livejournal.com]

i wouldn't mind doing it in a year, but this first year i HAVE to work my ass off. i have some medical bills that need paying by april and i owe gabe money. not to mention student loan payments. and then there's the issue of "bringing your own wardrobe...." i do NOT dress like anyone here and don't really have the money to go out and buy clothes at the moment.

[kitsunekami.livejournal.com]

Here. I'll be seeing this guy on Sunday, and I'll ask him what you should do:

[duchess-of-pie.livejournal.com]

who is that?

[dirtyknobs.livejournal.com]

A guy I used to know who has actually gotten somewhere out there, albeit in a small way. Couple movies, an X-Files episode, lot of commercials.

[dirtyknobs.livejournal.com]

GODDAMNIT!!! That was, and this is, Steph.

[couplandesque.livejournal.com]

*puts Amber in a FedEx box and overnights her back to Minneapolis*

There. Better. *glomp*

[duchess-of-pie.livejournal.com]

i can't even think about that right now....

[kitsunekami.livejournal.com]

I was just going to say, you haven't hit rock bottom if you're A) still there, and/or B) still alive. You've got a long way to go.

[duchess-of-pie.livejournal.com]

it's true. although, if i can't get a job in the coming month...well...i guess i'll think about that if it doesn't happen. there's always gabe. and unemployment.

[pinswithfury.livejournal.com]

Bah- the Ivey's definitely had their downsides. Too many people, too much focus on big-budget theatres, and 6oz drinks that cost $7 a pop. It was very difficult to hold conversations. Plus there was no cohesiveness with the afterparty. No coat check, not much in the way of food (though the gingerbread madeleines were uber yummy and I must try to make them myself). Just a lot of crowds and a fashion show on the escalators that was hard to tell if it was serious or trying to be ironic. The costume pieces were interesting; I just didn't understand why it was even happening.

On the positive side, I was happy that I saw two of the shows that won stuff (Kid Simple and Messy Utopia). Plus my dates were hot, even if they didn't put out.

[duchess-of-pie.livejournal.com]

*^_^* i'm sure it was wonderful all the same! pointing out its weak spots does not make me want to be there any less.

thank you, by the way, for sending me the invite to that site. i'm gounna do it.

[pinswithfury.livejournal.com]

Yay!

[kat-food.livejournal.com]

I'm a whore to the masses, babe.

[pinswithfury.livejournal.com]

This is totally what you need for the next SnB:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=7186873

[kat-food.livejournal.com]

I missed you. I honestly did. Partly because I really wished I'd had someone to walk back to my car with, but moreso because I'd taken you last year and it was fun and I knew you would be missing it. And I was right. And dammit - I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU!!! :) You're still in this pea-sized brain o' mine. Your talent and your boobs are missed.

Give it time, sweetheart. Give it time. You know this is going to happen (the discouragement) - we ALL do, and did. Doesn't mean it's going to stay that way. Keep plugging. I do wish you could break into the scene there a bit, though. Keep yourself theatrically busy at least a bit. More film stuff I hope!

[duchess-of-pie.livejournal.com]

i'm hoping to. i'm totally lured by the call of the screen extra as suggested above...especially if i can work right away and get some money in...

thank you for missing my boobs. my boobs miss your boobs. they like knocking into other boobs.

[susiegrapefruit.livejournal.com]

Do you even still know my phone number? I ought to fly down and punch you for not calling when you need to.

What I WOULD have said, if you had CALLED me, is that I'm really, really, really fucking proud of you, and I'm really, really, really fucking happy I get to call you my friend. Because you consistantly amaze me. You may not realize it, but even in this state, where you feel stagnant, you are truly impressive. Bottom line: You talk about all the cool shit everyone else is doing. You just moved across the damn country. That, my friend, definitely qualifies as cool shit. How many people have the guts?

So go you! RAWR!

[duchess-of-pie.livejournal.com]

omg, what would i do if you weren't in my life? i SHOULD call you when i'm like this. but i don't want to interfere with your day and my last phone bill was atrocious.

i can't even read your comment without crying. thank you for being my own personal cheerleader. i hardly deserve it.

[susiegrapefruit.livejournal.com]

Damn right you should. You have free minutes at some point in the evening, right? And YOU are not an interference in my day. All that other shit, like school and work, those are interferences. If for whatever reason I'm doing something uninterruptable at the moment, just leave a message after the damn tone.

Also, this:

i hardly deserve it.

makes me want to hit you a little bit. So stop. Muah!