Writer's Block: It wasn't me.

[Error: unknown template qotd]

i have three regrets in my life.

one of them was breaking up with matty as soon as/and in the manner that i did. thankfully, being friends with him again is soothing this.

one of them is never taking up with gabhaan. this one still hurts, and allowing myself to think about it can almost always guarantee a bad night. there are actually times when i've been drunk or near sleep when i have believed that if i wished hard enough, i could go back and fix it. and then waking/sobering up becomes a big hard cryfest. he's the main reason i followed gabe to california...i knew by experience i'd regret it if i didn't at least try. perhaps i should let it go, since i now know that there is a possibility it wouldn't have been good. since i could guess he only would have pissed me off in the end. since it may have lead me down a different path and i'm happy where i am now. i just cringe at the thought that he may end up being the love of my life...and the one time he tried to kiss me, i pushed him away. i was constantly in his thoughts and he was never in mine, exept that one time i almost...and then that other bastard screwed it up. fk. he smelled good too.

okay. i need to stop thinking about that and get to answering the question.

so then there is the last of the three regrets, which involves something i said to someone when i was a kid. and that person was lovely to me. it wasn't provoked, and not really backed by negativity, i just wanted to say it to say it. it was absolutely awful and i'm amazingly horrified by it. i don't have a lot of secrets, but this is the big one that i will carry unto death. would i go back and do it over? oh yeah. i would travel back in time and find my younger self and clap my hand over her mouth. definitely. and then i would tell her if she ever did it again, i'd come back and put centipedes in her bed while she slept, because i know what she hates most.

well. this post just runied my day. what a fkn downer.