venting both heat and discontent.

so i still don't have a job.
i've been getting cranky with gabe.
i've not been returning my phone messages.
i don't want to eat.

i think i am in the throes of some minor depression.

to top it off, it hasn't been cooling off here at night. in minnesota, it stays hot all night, but here it's usually only warm in the day and then the heat goes away with the sun. but we're smack in the middle of an awful heatwave and i just can't be comfortable at night. so i've not been sleeping well.

i can't even go into how uncomfortable rico is either. we've been propping up big bags of ice cubes under his cage to cool him. he's so miserable. and i hate to see him like that.

to escape the heat yesterday, the boy and i went to a bookstore/coffee shop where he worked and i restlessly looked at books i want and can't afford. we went to see "rocket science" and i really liked it but agreed with gabe that the last scene is wrong.

we went to a party and i was too sweaty and tired and frustrated to talk to anyone new...i kept to the boy's crowd mostly. and one of them, pete, told me something interesting. he said-changing the conversation and without prompting of any kind from myself--that most girls, when they move out here, take a hit on their self-image. they all the sudden think that they simply can't compare to all the "beauties" out here. it was surprising because this is what i did. and i secretly thought i was alone on this. and i was ashamed of it. i'm not really one to compare myself to others or worry about how pretty or not pretty i am, it's just a waste of time. but out here...this place does something to you. i find myself frowning at the mirror and start wishing this or that were different...and then i walk away from the mirror because i really don't want to start being that person. i'm already feeling worthless enough without a job, i really don't need to get down on my appearance when the only person i have to satisfy with my looks is someone who tells me i'm beautiful every day.

right now i'm sitting at home, knowing that i should be going to a temp agency today. but if i go, i'll be sweaty and nasty by the time i get there...and in such a bad mood, that i don't know if it's worth it. and yet, i can't just sit home in this heat and not earn money.

*sigh* just a shitty day, i guess.

city life makes you a wad, i guess....

so gabe came home while i was doing laundry. i'd been up and down from the icky, dirty laundry room a few times, with nothing more than shivers from being in a conrete basement room with watery floors and hanging cobwebs full of dust...dead cockroaches in the lighting fixtures...ick...

anyhow. i was the only person doing laundry that day, and going down in half-hour increments. somewhere between 4.45 and 5.15, somebody else had been there. i came down to the laundry room, pulled clothes out of the dryer, turned to go about my merry way....and was met with a huge spraypainted swastika and the word "HITLER." it hadn't been there before. as i bolted to the stairway, i saw two more broken crosses huge and looming out from dark corners by the service elevator.

i told gabe about it, and he immediately got some stuff together to go down and sit with our clothes in the dryers. i wasn't letting him be down there alone, so i joined him. upon further inspection, we realized that it was probably some dumb teenager who got hold of a spray can and decided to try it out. but since it was the middle of the day, they were going to find any blank wall without people around.

another indicator that it was simply doofism and not a violent threat? a recreation of the idiot's "swastika":



they hadn't messed with our clothes either, so we just wrote it off.

until we passed by the mail room later in the evening and noticed that the door piece that covers about a third of the mailboxes had been completely removed. well done, dumbass. now you've gone from petty crime to federal offense.

what is it about bigger cities that makes people act like assholes? do people just go crazy when they don't have room to roam? you go down to mazeppa where my parents live and the worst that will happen to you is some burnt toast at the diner.

alls you NPR junkies put on your envy shoes....

oh. i would like to let all of you know that i'm going to see ira glass speak live next saturday. i plan to seduce him into a threesome.

or just listen to his show.

and with the breaking of the heatwave, comes this:

I HAVE AN INTERVIEW! OH DEAR GODS ALIVE, I'VE GOT AN INTERVIEW WITH THE USC SCHOOL OF EDUCATION!

i swear i am not manic depressive...my life just plays tricks on me.

*points to self*
(whispered): shh! crazy!

HOLD THE IPHONE!!!!

whoa! WHOAHAH!

ipod touch!!!!!
http://www.apple.com/ipodtouch/?cid=CDM-US-iPod-5632D&Email_PageName=CDM-US-iPod-5632D-nano-Launch-SEG-iPodMa&Email_OID=155460&cp=5632D&sr=em
this sucker has WI-FKN-FI so you can internet and download songs without need of a computer.
(satan alert: apple is teaming up with starbucks to provide wi-fi for apple users without login or fees. and, if you're in a starbucks and like the song they're playing, there's a button on the itouch that allows you to look it up and buy it immediately. like i said. satan alert.)


AND!!! third gen ipod nano! with VIDEO!!!
http://www.apple.com/ipodnano/?cid=CDM-US-iPod-5632D&Email_PageName=CDM-US-iPod-5632D-nano-Launch-SEG-iPodMa&Email_OID=155459&cp=5632D&sr=em
for less than the current nano!!!!



geez. by the time i'm ready and can afford to upgrade, i'll have a lot of fun options to choose from. i was just telling the boy the other day that i wish there was video capability with the nano....small, yes. but enough for carry-around emergency entertainment!