have you met my friend jordan curtis? he has red hair and an amazing ability to see people who aren't there. his least favorite part of "mouse hunt" is the only belivable bit when he is wont to shout out "yeah, right!" and then there's the christmas mouse. oh boy! let me tell you, that jordan's got us all beat for fun fun times!

sometimes, in my life, something spectacular will happen, like a dog taking a dump on the sidewalk cause the snow is too cold, or a guy who's standing still and just falls down for no reason. and i think, somewhere, jordan's laughing. somewhere, jordan makes this all possible.

think about it. do you ever laugh at your own feces? i bet you didn't do that until you met jordan. do you ever stop in the middle of a story you are telling and make faces/noises as if someone has just given you a lobotomy? sure you do, because you know jordan. and i know that just last week you said to yourself after a hard night of drinking, "i'm just going to pull over to the side of the road and have me a little nap." jordan strikes again.

the fact of the matter is, jordan is what einstein refered to as "the chaos agent." in every experiment there is a control and an experimental...but most don't factor in the chaos agent. this is an uneplainable phenomenon that could just come out of nowhere and fuck with everything.

here's an example. you've just planned a naughty party for you and all your toe-sucking friends. you are going to get high and sit around and suck on each other's toes. you've thought of everything...beer, check. footbath, check. like, candles and shit, check. okay. then you assess what could go wrong. if we drink all the beer...i've got wine and cough syrup. if someone spills beer in the footbath, beer-flavored toes. great. candles set the house on fire...insurance. cool.

your friends show up at the party and everyone bathes their foots, gets drunk, candles going, sucking in full gear. then there's a knock at the door and tom cleary comes in. you didn't plan for this chaos. what's that, tom? jody told you about my party? fucking jody. big laugh ha fucking ha, jody. you asshole.

you see what i mean? your plans go awry because no one wants to suck tom's toe that he probably shit on. so everyone's feeling akward, and then there's the mass migration to hacienda del sol...and then your party's busted. something not forseen.

jordan is nature's chaos agent, but not that shitty. i don't know how and i really don't know where i was going with this. i'm just trying to encapsulate the random wonder that is that fucker. the toe-sucking thing got out of hand and i'm not even a prescriber to that fettish.

but face it. tangents are more probable if jordan has touched your life.

if you are drinking, lift a glass to jordan. this one's for you, choad, cause i know you'd enjoy it, you wolf-loving bitch.

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January 2015

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