well, kids, the show closed this weekend. and it's not over yet. there's all kinds of personal backlash from the boy to friends i've made to contacts i'll keep and learning to let go. there's the hints from higher-ups of guthrie promise and the networking spider has spun me a pretty web. this week looks toward sunday and my audition at the jungle, hopefully the first in a long line of good calls.

if i had a genie right now, i'd stop time for a long long sleep. alas. there's scripts to read, pieces to workshop, friends to coach, shows to see, headshots to prepare...and sometime in all of this there's food to eat, groceries to buy, laundry to clean and job to suffer though. all before sunday.

oh, i've been away from my journal for so long....i forgot to mention--*^_^*--that lynn redgrave and brian dennehy came though town with "the exonerated." lynn came to "romeo and juliet" on wednesday and left tickets for us. so on easter sunday, we went down to the state theatre, courtesy of ms. redgrave and big mr. d., to see the show from the third row. durring the standing o, lynn thanked "the members of the guthrie cast of 'romeo and juliet' who were in the audience today." we were given the chance to meet lynn...but i had closing performance gifts and cards and tips to prepare, so home i went. if that offer had expanded to enclude my dear mr. dennehy i may have stayed. and drooled. and pissed myself.

*sigh* it took long enough, but i'm finally feeling as if i'm making a little headway here.....*^_^*
ugh. I’ve decided the very very best and most absolute worst feeling in the world is the new-relationship roller coaster. i’m not even going to say anything past this: i thought i knew how to read people. i don’t. this causes confusion which in turn causes delirious highs and cataclysmic lows. and I will say this: i am worth having.

romeo and juliet is coming to a close, and i suppose that’s why my life is holding so much current drama. it’s almost a death of sorts, i can hardly see past it. i have my plans, but can’t really seem to think on them…it’s too difficult. when you’re doing a show, you get so wrapped up in the universe of that particular show, that particular cast, that particular theatre and all the politics therein.

and all of this excitement has really kicked up the hate-factor on my job. because of factors i won’t list here, i’m trapped for at least a few months. and it’s fast killing of the spirit.

so. things to look forward to and take my mind off all the craziness? being able to dye my hair again. finally having professional headshots. an audition for minnesota’s only shakespeare repertory. info on a good publishing company that i may be able to work from home. and, most importantly, having a life again and seeing friends i’ve had to neglect for months. this includes my nephews down home, my peeps in the northland, and even david and steph downstairs. good god. i’ve been gone. and time to breathe. and see movies. and be alone for more than a couple hours at a time. and write a couple decent and thought-provoking journals.

1 and ½ days to weekend. 5 shows left. 4 days until the curtain falls and the drama ends and life returns to normal which is both blessing and curse. and i’m scared for it all.

so i had a hell of a day what with the school matinee and problems with the new romantic interest. came home in a fud. wanted to punch things. but there was a message on my machine. who could it be? who oh who could it possibly be?

the guthrie.

oh jeez, thinks i, what did i do or who wants me fitted for what now or did i leave something in the dressing room....no wait.

they're calling me to audition.

shut up.


"we liked your work at the unified auditions this weekend and we know you're doing 'romeo and juliet' right now. we'd like to set you up for a time to come in and do a general audition for us."


gloat gloat gloat. shine shine shine. nonstop singing and all around uncontrollable giddiness. give me a moment. let me revel.

*shiver with excitement* *explode...mess on walls*
i really have nothing to say. i have three things running my life right now:

1) my job. i hate it. i need a better one. and even though they have informed me that they're going to make it better for me, i would be better off walking down the center line of I94 than believing them. i give them 6 months.

2) romeo and juliet. being onstage is now on auto pilot. we've done 17 performances and have 33 to go. i can't imagine getting bored of it because the performances themselves are easy. but the backstage experience is much more exciting. i've learned so much and met some of the most interesting and caring people in my life. who said the theatre's full of back-stabbing ladder climbers? i've seen more of that working office downtown than my short time at guthrie. politics my ass. it will leave a gaping hole in my life when the show closes. i may be inconsolable for a while.

3) a new love interest. somewhat declared but still in the works. as always in amber's life, a major source of giddiness, longing and distraction. pray for me.

i've heard that people in duluth miss me. why? what good am i to you? i swear by the moon that tips of silver all these fruit tree tops that i will come up when the snow is gone. when r&j closes mid-april i do have to spend a weekend at home to see my family...i haven't been to see them since i started rehearsal in january and i'm afraid my nephews won't even remember me. so that's first and foremost. and then i have a major audition on the 17th.

but then, then, we party. and if i don't get some good karoke time, i sue. i don't know who i sue, but damnit, i'll find someone and i'll sue by god. i need to rub michelle's belly and squeeze mandy's tats and slap foldesi a good one on her so so fine ass. the rest of you get the pleasure of basking in my presence...and believe me, that's good enough for the likes of you. in fact, it's downright generous.
we opened the shit out of "romeo and juliet" tonight. and then we had a motherfucker of an opening night party in which juliet captured me and wouldn't let me go for, like, half-an-hour, the director proved that he's the most cordial sonofabitch to all the essential girls, got dry-humped several times by my celibate yet sloshed friend, and got a little hot in the pants for a certain cast member. this all happened because of alkie-hol, none of which actually entered my body.

wild nights, wild nights
at the guthrie
wild nights are not a luxury.

then i had to walk another durnkass boy home across loring park at 2 a.m. to his girlfriend's place. she doesn't like me much i think. and i didn't do anything.

but here am i, in my favorite place, my online journal. see? i had so many opportunities, and i chose to come home. alone. jesus christ, i'm boring.

at least i've finally found a theatre where i don't date every boy.

but then...there's still 5 weeks of run. *^_^*
11:00a.m. -- amber arives at the theatre (after a 5 minute walk from her apartment) and begins to "install scaffolding" as part of a construction-theme preshow. butch.

1:00 p.m -- amber is in costume and make up for the first time, all the while thanking god that light store-bought makeup is good enough for the guthrie. what's up at UMD with all the heavy crap and highlighting and shading and looking fake?

4:00 p.m -- break for dinner at chipotle with the other essential girls. amber hearts chipotle chicken tacos. amber also hearts billy boyd and joaquin phoenix, but that's another story.

6:00 p.m. -- back into costume and onstage where amber is given a prime spot in the "dressing juliet for the party" scene. score.

8:30 p.m. -- amber changes into her pretty pretty party dress and is deemed the "nicest dress" by the other girls. amber feels they are getting ready to dump pigs blood on her later.

11:00 p.m. -- freed from her corset, amber breathes again and heads home.

and she gets to do it all again tomorrow. amber does not complain, because 12 hours of acting beats 8 hours of office slavery.
pantsboyusa wants to know when the show opens.

"romeo and juliet" at the guthrie. previews start this saturday, february 28. opens March 5 and runs through april 11. every night except mondays and some daytime matiness which i can hardly recommend being they will be filled with school brats.

come see scaffolding, scooters, and an actor tumble 10 feet to the stage only to be caught by 6 ready young men! ball dancing and swordplay in excess! amber does not speak, but she does portray a silly maid, a pretty pretty party girl, and a loyal devotee of tybalt, prince of cats.

so, rest you merry. and if you be not of the house of tom cleary, come and crush a cup of wine with us!



January 2015



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