true that it was saffert wetting his britches for this funfest. but it was i who ruled as queen of body function loss during the screening.

REVIEWS OF THE DUCHESS #124: CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

the critics: will most likely be stuck in the gene wilder rut and tear this movie limb from lovely limb. and if you go with any thoughts to the former in your mind, you won't enjoy yourself properly either.

tim burton: went wild. stuck to the book. infused the factory with elements of the psychidellic and technicolor sublime.

johnny depp: my hero. his most far-out character yet. (but by the time you actually meet him at the factory you're so taken aback that you're glad that tim burton's sense of dark humor matches that of roald dahl.) in the book, willy wonka is a sprite, a weirdo, an eccentric shut-away with whom nothing is ever quite right upstairs and you would avoid spending any time alone with. johnny's take? check. check. check. he is not the slightly off-kilter yet knowing wonka of the wilder years. strap yourself down, 'cause this guy's taking you on a big ol' freak ride. in a way, he's just another edward scissorhands--you may even get a glimpse of homage to that character.....*wink*

danny elfman: melded his "batman" darkness with his oingo boingo weirdness and did wonders with the score. the oompa loompa songs (yes, they sing, just like they did in the BOOK) are all voiced completely by him, and you'll understand when you hear them that this is no small feat. and all are different in style: bollywood, disco, and a "hey there georgie girl" brady bunch likeness....

the kids: perfectly cast in every way. freddie highmore is amazingly cute and normal compared to the technicolor airbrushed freakfest that comprises the other kids. agustus gloop is the definite favorite. man, that kid is scary to look at, but certainly enthusiastic about shoving the world into his face. varuca salt has a completely terrifying smile that engulfs her entire face but neglects to spread to her eyes. lovely.

deep roy as the oompa loompas: you've seen him in "return of the jedi" and "neverending story" and "big fish"...but you never really noticed him there, have you. well. you won't miss him here. and please keep in mind that he was never digitally recreated. for every oompa you see, he did a complete and seperate take. for every. oompa. you see.

the back story/ending: the only thing you won't recognize from the book because burton added it in his attempts to explore why willy is so wierd. it's this ending that i think will cause the critics to stop drop and roll. up until this point, you know the story, you're coasting away in a haze of mirth, much like amber on a scooter. and then your world of knowledge comes to a complete stop and you are thrown into an uncertain confusion before coming to rest back on solid ground. it will shake you, but you will arrive safely, i assure you.

word of warning...or delight: there is a very WACKED and DARK sense of humor running wild here. dahl gave burton lots of fodder for the uncanny, and burton just iced the cake with his own. there were times we were laughing so hard we missed what johnny said next...which only willingly prompts a second viewing.

5 and a half stars (out of 4). get thee hence tomorrow, and for heaven's sake, leave your wilder-worship at the door.

keep a lookout for the burned-doll ward. you will roll.

*clapclaphopphoppeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!* thank you siri, you are the best bookie ever.

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