duchess_of_pie: (kiki)
[personal profile] duchess_of_pie
a coworker asked me what i was doing for christmas. was i going with derek to illinois? no. why not? because we only get one day, you know that, you work with me. she then pointed out that i haven't had a vacation in two years and maybe i should take one. that was a very knowing and advice-laden "maybe i should take one."

i mean, she's right. i've been needing one. i've been burning out in tiny, daily increments and even my boss is like, "there's a reason you get off time, you know, and it's not supposed to be used to go do other work, amber bjork." but i have to admit, that as my vacation time accrues, i feel more like scrooge macduck, letting it pile so i may swim gloriously through it.

i let it build mostly because i know good times are ahead. i am T-minus 10 days to paying off my school loans. and while i still have a minor credit card balance, need a new computer (AFTER HOLIDAY SALES AHEAD), and owe my parents for the money they lent me to cover the overage on a new car after the accident, i am about to become hundreds of dollars richer per month in the new year. it is a real possibility that i could be completely debt free by my birfday. (unless i get into fringe...since i am an unapologetic self-funding producer. :P )

i have so many plans that i really can't afford all of them. home improvements. upgrading my dumb phone from 2009. a hurdy gurdy (squee). a dozen other selfish--and mostly electronic--things i want, on top of this idea of building up my savings. i am like the person that wins a million dollars and thinks she can just quit her job with stars in her eyes. too many possibilities for reality. but two things trump the list: the aforementioned computer, and a real vacation.

derek and i have been talking about going to iceland. i figured a long flight would require that i take at least a week off for it to be worth it. and sarah and i want to return to hogwarts, so there's a few days. i still want to join the sandboxers on their retreat, so there's another week. and let's not forget the tech days, the sick days, the half days of the iveys (afternoon the day of for getting pretty and morning of the day after for recovery), and emergencies. if i want to make my new-found financial breathing space a place i can play in 2014, i needed to save up time as well.

but is it worth it? i feel like working two years straight with only the occasional day off here and there (for throwing up or doing work in a theater) has exhausted me to the point that a vacation might not refresh me all the way again. but then again, nobody knows how to take delight in everything on a vacation like i do. nobody.

i think the key to this is also learning to say no. this is not working out so well since i just agreed to give away the last week of my downtime to write for the one-minute play fest. but it's only two one-minute plays. it can't be that hard, right? RIGHT?

amber. fail. tsk.

in the meantime, i think i need to set some fast and hard dates for said going away. make it a reality. iceland may have to wait for a while until derek decides he wants to go back to work. but tofte and hogwarts are still possibilities. and even though i have a boyfriend, it doesn't mean we HAVE to travel together. all the research i've been doing on circus and nunneries has made me really hungry for paris or florence. why not....
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January 2015


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