Jan. 15th, 2013

i tend to get on here and talk about how i'm busy a lot. that is not that post. i only mention it because i realize that it is in my busiest times that i daydream a lot. i don't really meditate and i know i should probably do that. i should have some downtime. but i think my mind retaliates by using my sleeping time to just...not do anything. which is why i don't seem to have exciting enough dreams to remember. and then to make up for it, i drift away to dreamworlds in my waking life.

oh, i create whole stories for myself. i was--like all kids--pretty effing imaginative. but i never really grew out of that like everyone else seemed to. i can be put in a room without anything but a wall to stare at and entertain myself really effing well. i am never bored, either at home or out at a party with failed conversation. i think it must be like any other muscle--physical or mental--the imagination muscle. use it enough and it's quite effortless whenever needed.

and gods, i love being told a story. so my brain has me there. "stop working for a while. slow the fuck down. no? well then i'm going to tell you a story. thaaaat's right. just sit quietly and watch. excellent."

but neither do i allow myself to live in dreams. oh no. life is too exciting for that. i have good friends and a wonderful boy who is nice to me and i do things that keep me happy and fulfilled and the world is full of really fascinating and beautiful stuff. i like living very much.

but sometimes it would be nice if i could bend the laws of physics to be able to control wind or breed unicorns. or if you could just travel to interesting time periods or fictional settings like middle earth. and sometimes it's nice to be someone else for a while. the internet is good for all of that. but my mind goes faster.

not growing up. not never.



January 2015


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